She sat on the swingset gently swaying
back and forth.
I stood near her pushing the sand
with my sneaker.
Did you know that when you die you'll burn
in Hell?
All Jewish people burn in Hell when
they die.
Did you know that there is
no Santa Claus?
It was the best I could do.
She cried and ran to tell
the teacher.
I smiled and pushed the sand with
my sneaker.
16 years ago
Ha! I am far too evil to get such a kick out of this poem, Denise. There is a humor to it, yet it has such hatred and anger in it. This brings me to every moment in my life where I said something hurtful on purpose to another person. I'm good at it, , it's the way I fight, which brings the complexity of my own guilt at such memories, as well as the anger and justification for saying things like that. That makes your poem strong--that a reader can relate their personal experiences, no matter how different the circumstances. You capture a moment beautifully, introducing it with a serene, almost boring playground scene. Pushing the sand with your sneaker means two very different things from beginning to end. It's also impressive to read the simplest narrative which tells some of the harshest truths of the world. That this other girl would be so upset at something she would have discovered within a couple years is so difficult for her, yet she sees nothing wrong in such hatred towards an entire group of people--she probably didn't even recognize the hatred. This is a wonderful portrayal of the loss of innocence for two children in two completely different ways.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I like the phrase "It was the best I could do" because in the moment it felt so feeble, I want a little more on the struggle to come up with something. This might be because I feel the first half of the last stanza which follows is the weakest part of the poem. "She cried and ran to tell the teacher" is the perfect reaction, but it's lacking the sensory detail I want. What about the still swaying swing, the sound of chains as she slid of the seat? One line change, even the slightest thing, could solidify the entire work. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I read it several times, because it feels so effortless, yet I'm sure it was not.
I second the "effortless" comment about this poem. There's something very organic about it that really captures a moment in childhood. Kids can be so mean and you really capture that here--at the same time, the reader wonders why a little girl would say something so horrible and is left only with the answer that we must look at ourselves and what we are teaching children today. In this way, I think it captures something we can all relate to having dealt with as children and an entirely separate issue that we all struggle with as adults.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the brevity of this poem as well. My only suggestion would be more of a commentary on the last stanza. I read it out loud and noticed that "teacher" and "sneaker" rhyme enough out loud (not so much in my head I guess) and I really liked the effect it had. It was almost like one of those childhood taunts that kids say...It was kind of chilling actually, to think of something so horrible being said in a sing-song children's voice, so if you could somehow make it work for another part of the poem (maybe the first stanza as well) or all of it if it feels right, then I say go for it. But it's your poem and it definitely had the right effect for me! Great job!
The contrasts here are really interesting. The mundane, "gentle" swinging motion is a stark difference to the deep thoughts in the girl's mind.
ReplyDeleteI do like how others commented on the girl's evil comment and what that says about what we're teaching our kids today; however, what if the girl was naively, yet inappropriately warning the girl in order to help her? Maybe her parents had been educating her in religious views not realizing she'd use it so devilishly. Either way I like the dichotomy of the girls' thoughts. One seemingly is so deep: the concept of hell and damnation and the other is so simple: Santa Claus. This leads me to the title which in itself is so basic but ironically climactic.
I do like the contrast of the line pushed/ing the sand with my sneaker from the first stanza to the last.
My one thought to ponder is...what do you want us to know after reading this? Is it that kids can be mean? smart? manipulative? We all want revenge? Words can be powerful? It could be any of these or more in my opinion. You made me stop and think, which I think can be the purpose anyway.
The more I read it the deeper it became to me.